Kalish the Fish

There is either a serial killer/rapist on my porch or I am so tired from driving all day that I'm hallucinating. Or its the damn cat. Driving to Arizona has become a kind of a special pilgrimage to me, and so I pride myself on doing it right. Today it didn't go so well. Turns out it is far more physically, psychologically and emotionally draining to drive into a different state while someone is sleeping comfortably in the passenger seat. It also takes an hour extra for some reason. Luckily, nobody got accidentally hit with their iPod or accidentally strangled, so no harm done. We got stuck in a little extra traffic and had to stop a couple extra times at designated rest stops because of the huge quantities of Diet Coke we consumed before noon, but having a mustachioed copilot wasn't entirely annoying; it had some perks. For example: someone pumped gas for me 80% of the time, someone bought me gum unprovoked, and someone rubbed my neck until his hand got tired. Finally getting here was a relief though, its not good for our marriage to be confined to such a small space for so long. Our marriage is claustrophobic like that. Its also not good for someone to be miserable and someone to be comfortable in the other, miserable person's presence. See what a wise married woman I am?

OMG the serial killer is playing with the wind chime. That's definitely not the cat, although it could, I suppose be the wind. When I finally turned into our little driveway after a very draining day, a few hours ago, my senses started playing tricks on me. The bushes have never rustled so viciously, I've never noticed that Stephen King book on the shelf before and quite conveniently, a TV special on the FBI's Most Wanted List was on as I pulled up to our secluded little cabin, where I don't get cell service, all alone on this dark and scary night. Where the hell is my husband you ask? He's tucked into his little bunk bed, with 30 other Army guys in the middle of well protected Army Installation. And I'm out here all alone, without even something I could fake as a gun. I would kill for a Fireguard patrol positioned around the house right now. The worst part of this whole scary night, is that the poor stupid fish is still trapped in the car. I carried him in his special little travel case all the way back to CA and back, checked on him periodically while he was in the cup holder, bought him special shrimpy fish treats and a small plant for him to hide behind and now he's going to freeze to death. I'm sorry, call me cruel, but there's no way I can go back outside, I'm not exaggerating. I sooooo could use a mustachioed husband right about now, and so could Kalish the Fish.