V-Day 2010, Part II

Last week was Valentine's Day, and as part of my new pro-active, anti-depression life plan I CELEBRATED Valentine's Day. Totally novel concept, I know, I am kind of a ground breaker. When I had a hundred things going on in my life, I didn't give a FIG about holidays, Valentine's Day in particular. But now that I have a permanent Valentine and nothing going on, silly holidays have gotten promoted to the most important thing on the agenda. I CANNOT FREAKING WAIT FOR ST. PATRICK'S DAY you guys. It's gonna be big.

Here's how it went down:

1) Saturday (Day before V-Day) 1300 hrs

I sneak out of the house with 20 bucks (in cash) by telling the Specialist that I am going to the gym. Hahahaha! What a sucker! In truth, I go to the Dollar Tree store and spend every cent on garish red and white decorations. Then I go to the gym for real, look at myself in the mirror for 20 minutes and head home. He has no clue. I deceived a Specialist in the UNITED STATES ARMY you guys, the most advanced military force this planet has ever seen just got outsmarted by a GIRL. I am the coolest. I hide the bag of decorations in the closet behind the vacuum, for obvious men-are-so-dumb reasons. Not only does he have no reason to go into the closet where the cleaning supplies are, he doesn't actually KNOW where that is, like he can't actually SEE the closet. If I asked him right now to pull out the vacuum, he'd suddenly need to go outside and "check on his car" or for some other highly vague, completely false reason. Mark my words, Bin Laden is hiding behind cleaning supplies somewhere.

2) Saturday (Day before V-Day) 2000 hrs

We go out to dinner at a local restaurant where they put a roll of paper towels on your table in addition to napkins. It was super small and super cute and super Texas. They gave us cornbread and didn't serve any liquor. But the waitress said we could "bring it on in and HEB is just across the street". Was she kidding? I still don't know. Anyways we settle on a couple of Diet Dr. Peppers, a catfish plate, a shrimp platter, the oysters and fries. The fries obviously were fried, and lucky for me so was everything else! Yay for that. I don't know if it was because it was Valentine's Day, or because we just worked up a killer appetite by doing a marathon around Wal Mart, or maybe because we hadn't been out to eat in an eternity but everything was absolutely delicious. Crawdaddy's Cajun Grill is my new favorite place in Texas. Well my only favorite place in Texas, no offense Texas. Oh! and the Bread Pudding, OH YEAH BABY THE BREAD PUDDING!!!

3) Saturday (Day before V-Day) 2200 hrs

I get a Valentine's Day card after dinner. It's perfect. I am told not to take pictures because that would be a "gross invasion of privacy". He obviously doesn't know about the gross invasion of privacy album I've been keeping.

4) Sunday (V-Day) 0900 hrs

I wake up to McDonald's in bed. It's the best thing ever, heavenly. Why can't we start every day with Cinnamon Melts and Chicken Biscuit Breakfast combos with Hash Browns? Well because I'd be morbidly obese by next week. But every once in a while, its nice to start the day by being a fat kid in bed.

5) Valentine's Day Proper

After awaking from the food coma brought on by McDonald's Chicken Biscuit Breakfast combo, I begin to put Operation Go Get Me Something From The Store into play. It totally works, he falls willingly into my plot. I write a list of items I totally already have, but know it will take him forever to find. The list includes things like 6 Organic Brown Eggs, a small bottle of Dark Rum etc. He's out of the house for a good 2 hours. I take the opportunity to break out the decorations.

My decorating strategy included doilies, glittery stuff, red heart napkins....

streamers....

fake roses....

streamers....

and streamers.

You guys, living inside Streamerville: Population 2 was so much fun! I kept it up a few extra days. And then I got used to it, so I kept it up a little longer. And then our landlord stopped by to fix one of the burners on my stove and I had to explain to him why our apartment looked like a slutty 8th graders birthday party. And then I took all the decor down pretty quick.

For dinner I made Cornish Game Hens that eventually were pretty tasty. I say eventually because they took a full hour and half longer than I expected in the oven. We didn't eat until 2300 hrs. I cried just a little because it took so long and the whole day was obviously ruined, but the Specialist has gotten really good at responding to the first indication of tears and acting accordingly. Actually I think that was part of his training in Arizona.

So in conclusion to another exceedingly long post, here's what I learned from Valentine's Day:

1) I have to make my own happiness here. If I want a Valentine's Day, then I'm going to have to make a Valentine's Day. These things don't just happen and its unfair to expect the Specialist to hunt Al Qaida and make me a Valentine's Day all at the same time. Besides, he can't hide decorations from me, I'm a genius.

2) Meat thermometers don't lie. It's not broken and you're not reading it wrong. If it says 130 degrees then the internal temperature of your Cornish Game Hen is bloody and raw. And if you take it out and serve it to someone then you can't cry when its bloody and raw because thats exactly what the brand new Martha Stewart Meat Thermometer told you it was. Regardless of how hungry you are, or how long the small birds have been in the oven, meat thermometers don't lie.